Are You Having Conflict in Your Relationship?

If you are having conflict in you relationship, join the club! The U.S. divorce rate was 45% for 2021. With nearly 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce and many non-married couples breaking up as well.

The good news is that if you are committed and willing to put in the work, there is a great chance that you do not have to become another statistic. Instead, you can transform your relationship into something special, strong and long-lasting!

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An Evidence-based Approach that Works-Long term!

Sean uses an evidenced-based approach known as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) in order to help couples learn to reduce anger, blame, fear, and resentment; and, transform it into love, trust, passion and intimacy. This approach focuses in on how our thinking causes our own personal misery and interferes with the love that many of us desire. Better yet, this approach works long-term because it teaches couples how to change themselves and their relationships so they can use these key skills for the rest of their lives.

What to Expect from Therapy

Sean will first spend some time getting a good understanding of the problems and goals in your relationship so that he can develop a unique treatment plan tailored to help you get the Biggest Results in the Fastest Time possible. Often, he will see each partner individually for 1 or more sessions in order to get an unbiased understanding of each partner’s challenges and to help each partner develop individual skills that will help them both.

If you are having significant ambivalence about staying in the relationship, then Sean will ask to work on exploring some of the downsides and upsides of staying in the relationship. This will help you get more certainty as to whether this is the right relationship for you.

You will then be taught profound relationship principles that will help your relationship (as well as principles that hinder relationships). These principles are Very Powerful; yet require individuals to work hard and get out of their comfort zone. If you are up to the challenge, you will be able to transform the quality of your relationship by using these principles. It will be at this point in therapy that Sean will ask you “Are you ready to get to work?”

Sean will then teach and train you in ways to change your Mindset, Emotions, and Communication in order to change the quality of your life and your relationship. Many of these techniques will create a deep and profound change in yourself. For example, many of my clients spend a significant amount of time blaming their partner for the problems in their relationship and aren’t even aware of it! You would learn how to let go of your blame; and, yet, learn how to show up in a Loving, Respectful, and Assertive way! This will help you (and your partner) put down the figurative sword and start the process of loving each other at an even deeper level than before. It will take some courage, but YOU CAN CHANGE the Quality of your relationship!

Why Me (instead of another therapist)?

Because I promise to…

  1. hear you out without judgment and do my absolute best to understand you
  2. use the most effective tools to inspire you and keep your motivation high until you reach your goals for therapy
  3. use an evidence-based approach that is scientific and works
  4. learn and grow as a professional and as your therapist
  5. bring my passion to each and every session
  6. never give up and to keep working with you till you reach your goals!

Typical Questions about Therapy and Couples Therapy

Don’t I need my partner to participate in therapy in order to improve my relationship?

The fact is often working with only one partner has many advantages.  First, Sean will be able to put 100% of his focus on understanding and helping the partner who is willing to participate.  In other words, his focus will be solely on you vs. being divided among two individuals.  The plan will be specialized in order to help you work on your relationship and impact the relationship on your own.  This may seem hard to believe, but I have had many clients successfully improve their relationship on their own.  Please understand, that in the vast majority of the cases, one partner can impact the relationship and create positive change in the relationship.  If you are committed, the relationship can improve!

Does relationship counseling or therapy actually work?

Sean uses proven principles that are evidenced-based and have worked for hundreds of my couples.  That said, there are some things that no therapist can help you with.  Your motivation and desire to work on the relationship will need to be fairly strong in order to resolve the difficulties you are having.  If there is a will there (is almost always) a way!

What happens if relationship problems go untreated?

It is tough to say what will happen if relationship problems are left untreated.  Different couples have varying degrees of problems and some can work it out on their own.  That said, if you feel your relationship is stuck or you feel frustrated because your efforts have not improved your relationship, it may be time to seek assistance.

My understanding is that cognitive-behavioral therapy asks the client to be active in making changes in therapy. Why won’t just talking about my relationship help?

Rarely does just talking about things improve anything.  As a matter of fact, in the 13 years that I have been practicing relationship counseling, I cannot remember one person who’s improved their relationship by simply “talking” about their relationship problems or venting.  What does work is making intelligent changes in our mindset, emotions, behaviors and communication.  Relationships take work and if you want to change your relationship, you will have to put in the work!  There is no silver-bullet or magic and anyone who tells you different should be met with skepticism.  The good news is that if you are committed to putting in the work, you may find that you not only solve the relationship problems, but your relationship becomes better than ever before!

What is the root cause of relationship problems?

Contrary to popular belief relationship problems are Not rooted on communication problems.  Communication problems are but a symptom of deeper more insidious problems.  Some of the root causes of relationship problems are:

  • Ambivalence about being in the relationship (i.e., “being on the fence”)
  • Demanding that our partner change (instead of respectfully asserting what we desire from our partner)
  • Blaming our partner for the problems in the relationship
  • A lack of patience
  • Our partner’s perception that we are deprioritizing our relationship (i.e., making the relationship a second, third or fourth priority)
  • My partner and I have had problems for so long. Can things improve, long-term?

    In short, absolutely! The fact is that in the vast majority of cases relationship problems can be solved.  This is Not to say that there will not be conflicts.  This is to be expected.  However, the couples in very successful relationship learn How to Navigate these inevitable conflicts when they come up.

    Do you use any other approaches other than cognitive-behavioral therapy?

    Absolutely, Yes!  While Sean’s expertise and main approach is cognitive-behavioral therapy, he use an array of different techniques and approaches from different schools of psychotherapy in order to bring about speedy recovery.  For example, Sean uses principles and techniques from John Gottman’s approach and emotion-focused therapy.

    Common Myths vs. Facts

    Myth: Change takes a long time.

    Fact: The fact is we change in an instant. The instant our thinking changes, our behavior and emotions change as well. The challenge is that there is often factors that makes us resist change.

    Myth: “I’ve done therapy before and it didn’t work”

    Fact: I have heard many of my past clients make statements like this. The truth is that much of therapy these days amounts to schmoozing behind closed doors with the occasional bit of advice. This may feel good in the short-term, but does very little in solving emotional problems. My evidenced-based approach is based on principles that massively increase the motivation and commitment of my clients. We will focus on your goals and do everything needed to achieve your goals, regardless of past results.

    Myth: “I have felt better before, but I seem to feel upset again (or relapse)”

    Fact: This is common and with some important strategies, I can teach you how to get positive results, long-term.

    Myth: “I shouldn’t need to get therapy because I should be able to handle my problems on my own”

    Fact: I used to believe this and know of many clients who have told me the same thing. The fact is that we rely on other to help us achieve our goals in many different areas (e.g., mechanics for our cars, coaches to teach us sports, and teachers to help us learn subjects). So why not use a therapist for our emotional goals?? The bottom-line is there are results you desire, and, with the right approach, you can achieve these goals.

    Myth: Therapy is too expensive

    Fact: This, of course, is a personal decision and only you know your financial situation. That said, there is a cost to not taking action and getting the guidance and coaching from a competent and experienced professional who can help you. Moreover, this recovery or improvement can happen much faster than you thought possible.